To Fam, From Sam (Part V)

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Editor’s Note: Sam is a Full Haus fan favorite, the oldest Birth Panelist, and has more children than most of us combined. This is the fifth installment of his autobiography, available exclusively on We will continue to release new chapters every week. Check back regularly for the latest edition from the Dickens of white nationalism!

Part I: Part II: Part III: Part IV:

Part V

By the time I was nineteen I was styling myself a punk rocker and a skinhead. This was at a time before these things were really distinct. I was going to gigs and record shops like [redacted]. I would buy, sell and trade records. CDs were starting to appear. I laugh now about the resurgence of records and tapes. The 60s and 70s were the era of the vinyl record. The 80s was the era of the cassette. The 90s was the era of the CD but it seemed much more short-lived than that. CDs quickly gave way to MP3s and iPods. I remember the controversies of Napster and Limewire. Each of these services were sued out of existence. It was spearheaded by Metallica. I don’t care about stealing from enemies – that’s called ‘raiding’ – but don’t steal from our guys. If you want a cool shirt, a good book or some great music, buy it from our guys. Let’s only do business with each other as much as possible.

When I was 19 or 20 I was working at a technical center just off campus. A friend of mine from school who was a few years older than me and ahead in school by a year or two lined me up to take his job as he took on a full-time, professional position in the same organization. This guy was into the same things as me and he would really get me hooked up with more places to go and things to do. I was introduced to this older man who was a PhD in the field and this guy gave me a copy of the Spotlight newspaper that featured an article about a band called, “Skrewdriver.” This was to be a life-changing moment. This same man also gave me videotapes and cassette tapes with recorded messages, I suppose you could call them ‘sermons’ about Christian Identity. This would also be a similarly pivotal moment in my life, but more on that later. When I turned twenty-one my friend took me to some really cool clubs around the city where there were great bands and interesting people to meet. I really like this scene even though it was majority enemy stuff.

This was also the time that skinheads were getting in the news. There were some rather famous incidents that occurred at the time that I will not get into, as they come a little too close to getting too specific. I did not want to become a “formally associated” person. I was trying to finish up my college degree. In my final year of school I acquired the prison address of the man that the media called “the leader” of this “skinhead  gang” that was involved in some newsworthy incidents. Until that time I was more a fan but then I was becoming more of an activist. I began writing letters and receiving replies from this notorious fellow and so began my more “formal” involvement in politics.

Returning to Skrewdriver of a few years previous, when I became aware of them they had just put out a new record and by great chance I was able to buy it from a record store. Once I heard this band it was truly life-changing. I quickly went on to collect every single album they made before and since. I went on to compile quite a collection of other similar stuff and it would not even be practical to begin to explore this genre here. I will say that Skrewdriver had such an uplifting and fresh sound compared to the preponderance of American hardcore which was very dark and angry. (Not that there is anything wrong with that.)

My story is jumping back and forth over the course of about 3 or 4 years here. These years were very eventful: the couple years before and after graduation. It is difficult to tell it exactly in order. Also, at the same time was when I met the woman I would go on to marry. I had dated a few girls in high school and just out of high school but I could never take it seriously because I had no plan. But now I was going to have a college degree and a good job I hope and I was thinking more seriously about things. Turning 21 greatly facilitated meeting people. She was someone I met at a place that was playing the underground music: hardcore, punk, metal but very little Oi. There are some painful memories there, mostly because when you are older and wiser you can see the mistakes or maybe I should say possible mistakes because everything kind of worked out it seemed. We now have a term, white knighting, which probably described my situation. It is embarrassing to admit such things but hindsight is always 20/20.

So, this young woman had problems: drugs, an out-of-wedlock child, intermittent employment, and she failed to finish high school. But she was interested in the lifestyle that I was seeking. I would soon be graduating college, I was interested in clean-living, I wanted family and natural things. It would be easy to condemn such women as dumpster-fires and it would not be incorrect to do so. But how few people would ever go on to do great things in life if not given more chances? Sure, in retrospect, I shudder. But this woman went on to embrace my ideals, my music, bring five more great white kids into this world, do the whole homeschooling bit, natural family planning, Christian Identity, skinhead scene, trad-life, and all the rest. She eventually went back to a degenerate life but for twelve years she was a model citizen. Can we really say that that was a waste?

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