To Fam, From Sam (Part VIII)
Editor’s Note: This is the eighth installment of Sam’s autobiography, available exclusively here at Full-Haus.com. If you’re new to the site, start with Part I (obviously!) Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII
I am going to shift from the rationale behind Christian Identity to explain the practical side of how it influenced my life. My wife at the time was a good sport, as I met her about halfway through my transformation to Christian Identity.
I remember reading an article in Time magazine about The Order, Bruderschweigen (Brothers’ Silence), Robert J. Matthews, and all that. In it they said that Christian Identity was a racist religion which regarded Whites as superior, jews as satanic, and blacks as subhuman. That sounds good to me, I thought. I got turned on to Richard Butler and Aryan Nations, Mike Hallimore and Kingdom Identity Ministries, Peter J. Peters and Scriptures for America, and Fr. Daniel Jones and Sangre de Christo, (more recently Bill Finck and Christogenia.org), among others that I cannot recall. But after a few years of consuming cassette tapes and VHS tapes I noticed this: Other than the racial stuff none of these entities could agree doctrinally on anything. They could not agree on the most basic thing: How do you become a Christian?
As time went by I could see the same controversies about theology creeping up again and again. You could find almost any kind of doctrine within Christian Identity: Baptist ideas, Church of Christ ideas, Worldwide Church of God ideas, and even Catholic ideas. This would often lead to people denouncing each other. As for me, I have a definite opinion about many religious ideas but that does not mean I will not hear out somebody else’s concepts, whether Christian or not, Protestant or Catholic, religious or atheistic, or something else. We should agree and disagree on this issue as comrades. It is not that our differences are not important – they are – but we must never allow religious controversies to divide us. You are either pro-white or anti-white. In my experience nearly all white nationalists have the same ethics, we want the same type of society, we value the same types of morals, whatever our rationales may be. My family and I would attend these Christian Identity camps in the 90s and I recall one funny “argument” where I got into a disagreement with some guys because I celebrated Christmas. They were very serious that I should not celebrate Christmas. I can only say that if you are not going to celebrate His birthday you better not celebrate anything else.
Before I moved out of the city my friend got out of prison and we worked on some great projects. We would leaflet gigs. We wrote some songs together and tried to start a band with Terry Bones, the guitar player and drummer from Broken Bones, Subhuman, Ministry and Revolting Cocks. We had a couple great years together. He had written a great bit of fiction and had it on consignment in some local book stores. He met this young lady, Reina. She was from Nebraska but was now living in the big city. We brought her into our scene. There were a bunch of skinheads hanging around us. I am not going to go into all that. They had a whirlwind romance but because of his excessive drinking and antics he got arrested for spray painting a swastika on a synagogue by mistake. You may be thinking that’s ridiculous but you must understand that in the city you may have a series of establishments all joined together: a pharmacy, a dry cleaner, a synagogue, a currency exchange, etc. In a drunken carousal he was spraying some graffiti and some of it ended up on a synagogue. So he got five years in prison! People in prison would think he was lying because how can you get five years in prison for graffiti? Mexicans don’t get five years in prison for covering everything in graffiti; they just get ordered to clean it up. But then Reina came up pregnant and my friend went in the joint and her heart was broken and she lost the baby or got an abortion. She married a tattooist who was maybe jewish and then left him and moved to Iceland. I’m in touch with her but she does not say much.
When the guys got killed at the plant I had to take another job and I moved my family, five of us at that time, to another city, though relatively nearby. It was during this time, the early to mid-90s, that I got serious about studying, not just reading, Mein Kampf. I had messed around with it a little in high school but now I was reading it carefully, page by page. I would go on to read it at least four times since. I ask the reader to begin studying it now and re-read it every 5 years or so. It is as immediate as though it was written yesterday. It is a history lesson. It is poetic. It is spiritual. It is deeply moving. It is essential reading. You may be a seasoned white nationalist but if you have not read Mein Kampf yet, you will forever mark your days as “Before Reading Mein Kampf” and “After Reading Mein Kampf.”
I was and am very idealistic about the ethics of family life. Going into the marriage I was morally opposed to artificial birth control. My wife and I had taken a class that lasted four weeks at a local hospital shortly after getting married in the early 90s. All forms of artificial birth control have bad side effects, are unaesthetic, are unnatural, and are immoral. I could write pages on this topic. This separation in people’s minds of love, sex, and procreation is absolute cancer to marriage and civilization. The promiscuous lifestyle that some people may indulge or reminisce about is made possible only by this jewish invention of artificial birth control. By periodic abstinence you will stoke the flames of desire for your mate. Think of the times you loved to hear her voice and you could not wait to see her, maybe to catch a glimpse of some cleavage. All of those feelings are bound up with love and desire. If we always keep ourselves wanting, whether in the bedroom or at the dinner table, we will find our emotional health and physical health to be balanced and strong. I have spoken at length about the efficacy and morality of natural family planning on the show. I hope you have heard that one. This is a topic we should return to from time to time. Artificial birth control is not only poison to your body but also to your soul.
Continuing on my idealism: My wife and I were also interested in natural childbirth. She delivered two children drug-free. Two were induced. She did ‘ecological’ breast feeding (i.e., on demand) for five children. Ecological breastfeeding will space the babies out every two to three years. It worked out pretty close to that for me. It was not until much later when my second wife was ill that I would come to rely more strongly on natural family planning.
From the early to the mid-90s we used only cloth diapers until I could not afford the pick-up service anymore. Cloth diapers are more natural and are more healthful. The problem with disposable diapers is that the baby will have wet diapers for a long time because they do not feel the wetness. This also delays potty training. Cloth diapers are a little more trouble but the wife should be home tending to the children and not trying to juggle some kind of “other” job. We were kind of poor due to our single income.
Once the children were getting old enough I was interested in home-schooling. Whenever I would tell people about home-schooling they would often say, “Oh, I don’t think I could do that.” Let me tell you, I am not going to say that I have done or am doing a good job at home-schooling. Only God can judge me. My interest was to keep my children away from the brain-washing of public (and private) schools, negroes, gangs, drugs and school shootings. They really educate themselves. I think to be a human being is to be naturally curious until the school system drives out that natural curiosity.
When we moved from the big city to the other city we found that there was a large and active home-schooling scene there. A subset of this movement consisted of these traditionalist Catholics that had their own group within the group. They all attended this small, private chapel where the traditional Latin Mass was offered. That sounded good to me so we tried it. This was to be another pivotal moment in my life. These families were impressive: 6, 7, or 8 children in some of them. The dads were all professional guys. The wives were all attractive and feminine – and white.
I found many of the traditional Catholic doctrines to be very illuminating. I found a great sense of continuity about the Mass. I imagined our ancestors and heroes – Hitler, Napoleon, Louis IX, Richard the Lionheart, Charlemagne – all kneeling, praying the same prayers, participating in the same rites as me. The traditional Mass is a ritual of great dignity where you can pray, contemplate life and enjoy a beautiful, meaningful experience with your family. It is not only something you observe but something you do. I found the sacrament of confession to be extraordinarily liberating. Receiving the eucharist became something that I looked forward to every week. Sometimes I would go during the week because I lived nearby. I would eventually become an altar server, learning Latin and all of the sacred duties by heart. I had all of my children baptized. The patron of the little chapel was the owner of one of the foremost Catholic book publishers in the world. He knew a lot about the jews and we had many interesting conversations. Those were really great years.
I even met some Catholics that knew the Christian Identity message. Imagine that! In the early years of my association with traditionalist Catholics I tried to discuss Christian Identity with the priest and with the book publisher. They did not condemn me and they were somewhat interested in it but they did not think it was the penultimate truth that I found it to be. I suppose I would describe their understanding to be that they so esteemed the Mass and the Catholic sacraments so highly that they saw issues of race as being not unimportant but far less important than I did. Well, they are not perfect but they really gave form and substance to my Christian life.
There are many great websites now that stream traditional sermons, online masses, and contacts. If you want more information you can contact me. But tread lightly as you are going to encounter a certain amount of conservative types, though usually not kosher. I kept up my skinhead ways and got into some local media trouble. I have all the slanderous, black-baiting news reports on VHS and I hope in some future Nuremburg-style trials we will bring it out as evidence against people like [redacted]. You will recognize him when I [redacted] and send my family out of town and move all my stuff to a new address. The wonderful people at the chapel gave us money to help us move. God bless them and I never forget the kindnesses they or any of you have given my family. It is my solemn vow to repay everything times ten.
To be continued